please do not go where i cant follow

i grasping around in search of the right words
struggling to keep the tears down
willing my mind not to wander
but yet my eyes betray me
and the salty drops trickle gently down my cheeks.

its this acute sense of loss and helplessness and i watch him lying in his usual spot in front of the television.
to the eye of a stranger,
everything just seems the same
nothing out of the ordinary
but to me each silent detail screams out at me.

how he struggles to construct his sentances
falling back on the simplicity and comfort of his childhood dilect that the mind instinctively knows so well
the hollow-ness in his voice
the drag in his step
the enormous effort it takes for him to do the simple tasks...
and all this while..
he hasnt uttered a single complain.

for all the times i've been angry and upset
i know i've loved him a hundred times more.